Jesus, keep me near the cross and away from the cupcakes.

I've had it.  Being fat sucks.  I am a size 20 and every time I try on clothes, I wanna scream.  I wanna scream at the top of my lungs.  I wanna scream at myself for all the weeks and months of not working out...for all the fatty food I've polluted my body with...and for the fact that I know how to get and stay in shape, but just don't do anything about it.  So, don't worry.  This isn't a "Woe is me!  I'm the sad, fat girl." blog.  I know what I need to do.  And I've finally decided to do it.

I went grocery shopping tonight after work.  I got boneless, skinless chicken breasts, veggies, salad ingredients, healthy snacks and the works.  After I put the groceries away, I actually made my lunch for tomorrow.  I have planned out my breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks for tomorrow.  That means I'll actually have to get my plump rump out of bed early enough to eat my oatmeal, boiled eggs and fruit.  Since it's now 1:35am, that's going to be quite the chore for me.  Did I mention that I'm not a morning person?

At work tomorrow, I'm going to have to walk past the baskets of cake, cookies et al and stick with my yogurt, carrot sticks, etc. Would it be wrong to accidentally (on purpose) knock those fat-filled baskets off the tables on which they sit and stomp those evil treats into bits?  Dammit!  Don't people realize that having that stuff around someone like me is like sending a drug addict into a crackhouse to shoot the breeze?

And after I make it through that circle of hell, I have to go do one of my least favorite things...work out.  I'm not talking about a casual spin on the elliptical, where I'm reading a book and I never actually sweat.  No, I need to do full body circuit training in the weight room and THEN do some high intensity cardio.  I need to spend about and hour and a half in the gym tomorrow.  I won't push it, though.  It's been a while.  So, if I'm completely wiped out after weight training, I'll hold off on the cardio until Wednesday and just do an hour.

I totally don't expect anyone to read this.  I figure this will be good therapy for me.  I need a place to rant and rave.  Better this than emotional eating, right?  That's one of the many things that got me to where I am today.  I fully intended to post my height and weight, but my digital scale needs new batteries.  I obviously haven't used my scale in a while.  Surprise, surprise!  Lmao!